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Tips from the Redneck Book of Manners

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. 

However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING: (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)

1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested: ‘I’ve been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.’

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say ‘Monday.’ If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to    school on time.

4. Always have a positive comment about your date’s appearance, such as, ‘Ya’ll sure don’t sweat much for a fat gal.

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:

1. All the DNA is the same.

2. There are no dental records.

The Mayo Clinic Diet

JUNE 24, 2021″A dash of flexibility and a pinch of creativity are ingredients in an enjoyable cooking experience.” — Katherine A. Zeratsky, RDN, LDHealthy RecipeWhole-wheat blueberry pancakesKick off your next week with these tasty, healthy and easy-to-make blueberry pancakes. The best part? This recipe calls for only eight ingredients — and you probably have most of them already stocked in your kitchen! A satisfying, filling breakfast is just what you need to help you make smart choices this weekend.Get the recipe now »Make Fruit Fun 
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Want something a bit lighter? Experiment in the kitchen with these creative fruit recipes. 

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Grilled vegetable kebabs
Want a new way to enjoy fresh vegetables? Make grilled vegetable kebabs. Brush cherry tomatoes, button mushrooms, zucchini slices, red onions and bell peppers with Italian dressing. Place onto skewers and grill over medium heat, turning often, until the vegetables are tender, about 5 to 8 minutes.

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HIAS

Dear RJ,

As we celebrate the strength and resilience of the LGBTQ community during Pride Month, we must also reckon with the fact that more than 60 countries worldwide still criminalize homosexuality. In some countries, it is a crime punishable by death. 

We invite you to watch the story of Baraka, who was forced to flee his home in Rwanda after a relationship with an influential man in his community was discovered. In Kenya, HIAS has helped him get housing and counseling and to apply for resettlement in Canada. 

There are far too many LGBTQ individuals around the world like Baraka who live with fear and uncertainty every day. HIAS is dedicated to protecting these “voiceless among the voiceless” and to help them find lasting safety and freedom. 

Thank you for helping courageous LGBTQ refugees heal and thrive as they build new lives in dignity,

Team HIAS

D-backs Insider

D-backs InsiderJune 24, 2021View OnlineFireworks Spectacular // Next Saturday & Sunday Air-conditioned Chase Field is the place to be next weekend for the best fireworks shows in town! The D-backs will host the San Francisco Giants for a 4-game series starting next Thursday, July 1.Relax in your seats after the games next Saturdayand Sunday as the roof opens for a Fireworks Spectacular presented by Gila River Hotels & Casinos. 

Buy Tickets Know Before You Go Schedule Buy Tickets ShopUpcoming Games at Chase FieldThursday
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More from the D-backsElton John // 11.12.22Elton John is coming to Chase Field on November 12, 2022. As a valued D-backs Insider, you’ll have access to an exclusive presale on Tuesday, June 29 at 10AM. An email will be sent to you that morning with the link to access.  More InfoCubs vs. D-backs // July 16-18Big weekend matchups continue! Plan ahead to attend the Cubs vs. D-backs weekend matchup in just 3 weeks, July 16-18. Buy TicketsChristian Sky-Walker BobbleheadGrab your light sabers! The Stars Was Bobblehead returns – August 14 and 15. The first 10,000 fans to each game will get a Christian Sky-Walker Stars Wars Bobble, courtesy of Cox. Buy TicketsMatinee Discounts Enjoy matinee-priced tickets to afternoon games at Chase Field. The next matinee game is Thursday, July 8 vs. the Colorado Rockies. Get your discounted tickets now at dbacks.com/matinee.Download the MLB Ballpark app Download the MLB Ballpark app and select D-backs as your favorite team! With the MLB Ballpark app, you can purchase parking and 50/50 raffle tickets, place game predictions and play games, presented by Safelite AutoGlass. Download Now© 2021 MLB Advanced Media, L.P. MLB trademarks and copyrights are used with permission of Major League Baseball. Visit MLB.com. Any other marks used herein are trademarks of their respective owners. 

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