Site icon Peter A. Hovis

Frank Feldman

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.  He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.

“Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.  Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.

“Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.

“Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman.  He was a terrific athlete.  He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis.  He could golf with the pros.  He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano.  He was an amazing guy.

“Passenger: “Sounds like he was really something special.

“Cabbie: “There’s more.  He had a memory like a computer.  He remembered everybody’s birthday.  He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.  He could fix anything.  Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out.  But Frank Feldman could do everything right.

“Passenger: “Wow, what a guy!

“Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams.  Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.  But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.  He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.  He was the perfect man!  He never made a mistake.  No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.

“Passenger: “How did you meet him?

“Cabbie: “I never actually met Frank.  He died and I married his wife.”

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